Remember to identify one of these five feelings: anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness or fear. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. Instead of grounding us, it puts us in free fall. Instead of security we experience fear. Because our partner has caused us such deep pain, they now feel like a threat to our well-being rather than a source of comfort and rest. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples says that betrayal traumas, overwhelm coping capacities and define the relationship, as a source of danger rather than a safe haven in times of stress. The problem with questioning is that a betrayed woman may wonder if she has not asked just the right question, or enough questions, so her mind will continue to obsess about what she has missed. And the problem is no different with looking for information there is always the possibility that something was hidden too well. What did you learn about having needs when you were young? There is so much to discuss about needs, but what I want to focus on in this article is how I help individuals and couples break needs down in order to understand where this larger topic of needs might be getting stuck for them. We can look at the navigation of needs in several stages. The Need for Lasting Change It s only natural to feel a sense of despair when you see how long it can take to heal from sex addiction. You should also feel hope, though. The study found that patients really did recover after this long period of time. It takes so long because sex addiction is complicated and there are underlying reasons why you develop these compulsions. They are: Stopping sexual behaviours Stopping rituals Stopping fantasy Healing despair Healing shame. Stopping sexual behaviours Admitting there's a problem is the first step to coming out of denial. Once the addiction is admitted, the next step is to stop addictive behaviours. Just as an alcoholic must stop drinking alcohol, a sex addict must stop all sexual acting out behaviours.