In our work with couples and individuals, we talk a lot about needs. Often, because of mistaken understandings within our family of origin about needs and how to navigate needs within relationship, we have developed a way of being along a continuum. We may have learned to be needless and wantless (self-sufficient), or that your needs don t matter, or we may have learned to be somewhat needy (a passive requiring of others to do for me what perhaps I could sometimes take care of myself learned helplessness). This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital. As a sex addict learns that others have gone down the same road and have begun to heal, despair ebbs away and hope returns. 5. Healing shame There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame. Healthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong, like lying, and I feel shame about it. " Replacing Shame The work done that day underscores the importance of relieving the burden of shame from the recovering sex addict. No matter how hurtful the past has been or how strong the current desire to act is, the addict needs to understand that their behavior came from an attempt to cope with unmanageable circumstances. Because he is among friends, Derek takes a risk and discloses that he is a sex addict and is not supposed to watch those types of shows because of potential triggers and the risk of relapse. You could hear a pin drop in the room. This reaction caused Derek to regret coming forward with this disclosure, and he awkwardly excuses himself. Over time, her self-care will improve her ability to deal rationally with the situation-at-hand. The disclosure of her husband s sex addiction may very well turn a woman s world upside down, but with good self-care, counseling, and faith, she will come through the experience stronger, wiser, smarter, more resilient, and in even a closer relationship with God. You should also feel hope, though. The study found that patients really did recover after this long period of time. It takes so long because sex addiction is complicated and there are underlying reasons why you develop these compulsions. In order to really be free of the addiction, you need to do the work over a long period of time.