One of the many challenges that men have in overcoming sexual addiction or unwanted sexual behavior is the fact that they don’t recognize the great cost of their addiction. After that once they finally accept there’s an issue, they don’t anticipate the cost of recovery. They think in terms of dollars and cents and often see it as an unnecessary expense or a price they are unwilling to pay. This is the two fold cost of addiction in a nutshell. The challenge is that guys often see neither the cost of their behavior nor the cost of funding recovery.
The first cost relates to your home. The damage there can be incalculable. Let me ask you this. How much is your wife’s heart worth to you. Whether you’re dealing in virtual adultery or physical and emotional affairs, you have deeply wounded the heart of your wife. Â My wife once described it as feeling as if she was laying on an operating table and the surgeon had a chainsaw instead of a scalpel. Gentlemen, I have to ask. Is that really how you want your wife to feel? That heart is wounded. Trust is shattered. Intimacy has been ripped apart. If it has that much of an impact on your wife, don’t you think that your kids pick up on that? If not, I think you underestimate your children. Kids are really sensitive to the mom and dad interaction. Potentially there is also a cost on the job, and a cost in friendships, and of course, the negative impact it would have on your relationship with God. Here’s the thing period the longer you allow these costs to continue, the more expensive and hurtful this becomes. It is true in every relationship that you have. Let’s not forget also, the cost to your own mind. You are destroying so much of the wisdom and knowledge that you have previously lived with. You are derailing the way that your brain processes information. The cost is huge and sooner or later you’re going to have to own that cost. The question becomes what are you gonna do to eliminate that cost, to stop the bleeding of your family, of your mind, and the other relational challenges that are there. To end racking up costs on this part of your unwanted sexual behavior, you will have to rack up costs on the other side of your unwanted sexual behavior.
This is where the other side of your cost comes in. Recovery will cost you in a number of ways. It will cost you your secrets. You have to give them up. This means it will also cost you your pride, as your humble your to own the responsibility for what you have. There are also the practical costs. You should find a CSAT to help you process how you got to where you are in terms of your behavior. Depending on where you are and who you can find as a CSAT, that cost will be somewhere between $100 and $300 per hour. Don’t balk. It is worth every penny. Then there is the challenge of overcoming your unwanted sexual behavior. There are places you find help for that. Groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and Sexaholics Anonymous are free. Not all groups are the same. If you join one of those groups, make sure they are actively processing the 12 steps of the program. There are also paid groups where you are with a group of men who are where you are in this journey. These groups are designed to build non-judgmental camaraderie among those in the group. Years later, I am still talking to the guys who were with me in my journey. Our group knit our hearts together.    The cost of a group like this can be anywhere from $85 to $300 a month. There is also a coaching journey you can undertake.  A coach should take you from where you are at in you behavior and work with you on an action plan to eliminate your problematic sexual behavior and move forward without the need ot desire for that behavior.  Individual coaching plans can be one-on-one in nature, use customized programs to move forward, work with men in groups, and other techniques. One-on-one coaching might cost anywhere from $150 to $300 an hour. Program prices vary, but are usually more cost effective than one-on-one.
You should realize by now that the two fold cost of your sexual addiction is 1) the cost to your wife, your family and integrity and the monetary cost it will take you to end the unwanted sexual behavior and move forward with a health mind, rebuilding healthy relationships. The first is a cost you never thought you would pay. The second is the cost you must pay to get better and move forward. Are you ready to make that investment?
