They are now older and we can talk openly about the dangers of pornography, how to avoid it, and why pornography is so dangerous for your brain. This is something that never would have happened without the trials that my husband and I have endured together. Another victory for me has been that I found the confidence in myself to apply for nursing school at age 34 with four kids also in school. Empathy Breeds Connection By Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW, CCPS-S, CSAT, PCC Empathy is the needed ingredient in relationship building and is an essential requirement when repairing betrayal. Men seem to have an empathy deficit and so I found that breaking it down was much more helpful in teaching this all important skill. First, by understanding that the fantasies are created for a reason: they provide emotional escape and reduce stress. If an addict is to break free from fantasizing, they must uncover the reasons why they have to "escape." 4. Healing despair Most sex addicts feel they are beyond redemption, that their sexual behaviour is so appalling that forgiveness is impossible. The main goals of boundaries are not to turn into your spouse s parole officer or to seek revenge. Instead, they serve to: Rebuild trust. Provide space for your healing. Offer concrete goals and standards for his recovery. In the initial stages of crisis, demanding obedience might be necessary, but demanding obedience in the long term can sabotage trust rebuilding. Nevertheless, the history of abuse that dominates the pasts of a large majority of sex addicts shows the strong correlation between this addiction and early trauma. According to Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., the pioneering sex addiction researcher, 97 percent of people with sex addiction suffered emotional abuse in childhood or adolescence, while 81 percent suffered sexual abuse. If you are in a relationship or marriage, and both of you want to continue together, therapy (individual and/or couples) can help provide guidance so that you can reconnect with each other. With effort and time, you can rebuild your relationship and rediscover intimacy. What should you expect in sexual addiction recovery?