This means that each of us can experience real and meaningful forgiveness with each attempt to start over and break our patterns of repetitive sin. When our human transparency and need is met by God s acceptance and mercy, change happens. A Sex Addict Needs to Want to Recover When thinking of the addict and addiction, one should think recover rather than total cure. I hate it and want to kill it off, that is why I am here." As the other addicts nodded their heads, something in their attitude struck me as wrong. I realized then that it is impossible to "kill off" the addiction, and that hating and controlling the addict part of themselves could only lead back to shame and problems. Sexual acting out strengthens despair, leading an addict into greater isolation and shame. It seems counterintuitive and yet it is a spiritual truth. This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital. As a sex addict learns that others have gone down the same road and have begun to heal, despair ebbs away and hope returns. If you're the unfaithful partner and you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair, read more about our betrayal trauma recovery program in Florida, California, NY and the USA Don t Assume The Pain After Infidelity Is Your Partner s Job To Resolve Too many people, including therapists, view the pain after infidelity as individual pain. You need others in your corner, people who have been through all the pitfalls, have hit bottom and got back up. You need someone who can help steer you in the right direction, listen to your fears, and help calm you. These are your allies, your brothers in fellowship. Another common worry is that you ll have to give up too much of your time to attend meetings, to continue therapy or group discussions. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. The grief stage. In another six-month period, the sex addict goes through a type of grief. She feels terrible about the damage she has caused to herself and to others. She also grieves the loss of her addiction because she used it like a crutch for a long period of time.