Desperate to "recover right", most sex addicts are guarded about their early sexual choices and behaviors. Sex addicts often drag perfectionism, shame, and self-hatred into their sexual decision making process, which is what drove the addictive behaviors in the first place. While the first few months of sexual recovery does require somewhat rigid boundaries, it is essential to help addicts negotiate the line between healthy sexual recovery and a healthy nurturing of self. If medications have been prescribed, manages their use safely and consistently and attends doctor and therapy appointments regularly Has been screened for STIs and treated when necessary. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. At the time I did not understand the science and theory behind the way that we pair-bond and what happens when that attachment is damaged. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. The rush from pornography addiction or other types of sexual compulsivity is the way some users counteract feelings of inadequacy or emotional torment they may have experienced as a child or young teen. This research, and other studies, suggests that while many men reach a sexual peak in their 20s, those who began an addiction to pornography early in their teen years may actually experience the opposite; a loss of drive, interest and physical performance ability, along with emotional side effects like feelings of shame associated with sex. These boundaries aim to provide space for both partners to heal and avoid conflict escalation. If your safety is at risk, you should not tolerate physical or sexual violence and should seek help from appropriate authorities. Common physical boundaries include: Exiting volatile situations: Remove yourself when conflicts become heated. This is especially true when pornography is included as part of a masturbation ritual. From this perspective masturbation may need to be considered off-limits for many sex addicts. For other people, however, non-compulsive masturbation can actually aid the biological urge for sexual release, provide a venue for self-nurturance and contribute to an overall sense of sexual health.