Empathy Breeds Connection By Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW, CCPS-S, CSAT, PCC Empathy is the needed ingredient in relationship building and is an essential requirement when repairing betrayal. Men seem to have an empathy deficit and so I found that breaking it down was much more helpful in teaching this all important skill. Unhealthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong and feel like a bad person. Unhealthy shame tells me I am worthless, I am no good. Unhealthy shame attacks my value as a person; healthy shame judges my behaviour, not my person, as right or wrong. I may have done something bad, but that doesn t make me a bad person. Holiness Means Living to Righteousness The Christian life is not just about avoiding sin the dying part but also about pursuing righteousness. This means that the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control, (Galatians 5:22-23) should increasingly characterize your life. Addicts may feel hopeless and powerless in their situation, believing they have no control over their sexual thoughts and actions. Therefore, they get stuck in a loop of negative behaviors. Patrick Carnes calls this The Offending Cycle . As a result, antidepressants and cognitive behavioral therapy are a common treatment option for sex addiction. Before these individuals can recover the ability to lead healthy sex lives, they need to address the underlying personal and interpersonal issues that have contributed to their addictive behavior, such as poor self-image and unhealthy attachment. If these issues stem from early trauma, confronting this painful past can be grueling and take many months. You re Not Alone As part of your recovery, or even during your treatment, you probably started attending 12-step meetings. If you haven t done so yet, check out the various groups. They include Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA), Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), or Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA).