We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame." Replacing Shame The work done that day underscores the importance of relieving the burden of shame from the recovering sex addict. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. The Role of An Initial Period of Abstinence In Sex Addiction Recovery Even though refraining from all sex is usually not a sex addict's ultimate goal, an initial period of sexual abstinence (such as 90 days) can be a good idea. Jeffery Schwartz explains the differences between the mind and the brain. There is a continuous interplay between both parts, and each may have a powerful influence on the other. The mind and the brain work simultaneously to bring meaning to life. The mind, or spirit, is the electrical intelligence in this physical-chemical body and brain. It s about God s grace working in a believer s life. Christians should rely on God s strength through prayer, Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and Christian community, rather than trying to conquer sin by their own efforts (Philippians 2:13). When a Christian struggles with temptation or even relapses, it doesn t mean God has abandoned them. Recovery will require a willingness and commitment to go the distance. The quality of recovery is directly related to how much effort is made to get well. We can never underestimate the power of prayer in the healing of addictions. The five components to treatment According to Mark Laaser,1 author and recovering sex addict, there are five components to treatment and recovery for sexual addiction. This dynamic can lead to resentment, self-centeredness, and controlling behaviors. For example, a husband might blame his porn use on his wife s physical appearance or lower desire for sex, and a wife might start micromanaging and punishing every mistake. Both of these attitudes are unhealthy for the relationship.