The discovery of infidelity, deception and trickery causes a shattering of all that defined the betrayed partner s life. Their accomplishments, activities and everything they considered important feels like they have been invalidated. At the bottom of the abyss, however, is salvation. The blackest moment is the moment where transformation begins. Remember, the addict s point of view is not the only one; family members, friends and other treating professionals may have relevant data to offer. Examining the addict s personal motivation for change, patterns of acting out, trauma history and other addictive manifestations are other crucial areas of exploration. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant. Once, as I walked past, I saw some patients kicking this creature around and calling it names. I stopped and asked why they were abusing this ugly, but harmless, dragon. One patient replied, "He's green and ugly and reminds me of my addiction. I'm kicking him around because that is how I feel about my addiction. Sex addiction, in particular, creates a sense of excitement and pleasure, while simultaneously ensuring emotional distance and avoidance of true connection the kind of intimacy that can leave one open to being hurt. Putting in the Work in Sex Addiction Recovery The process of recovery for sex addicts involves identifying those behaviors such as obsessive masturbation, pornography use, anonymous sex, exhibitionism, etc. Furthermore, we were set apart to proclaim the praises of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. This tells us that watching porn has no part in the Christian s life. Watching porn is sin, and it s part of the darkness we re called away from. Although many Christians struggle with this, it goes against the grain of who they are in Jesus.