B: Advice Regarding Surrender Or Getting Over Hurt On Your Own Any therapist s expectation that a hurt, betrayed partner would get over it and make recovery less messy is not helpful. Advising them to seek out another therapist alone is not helpful. Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. Trust rebuilding takes time and should be based on his behaviors and commitment to change. Setting boundaries is a starting point, and as your marriage progresses and trust is rebuilt, these boundaries can evolve. Regular discussions with your husband and a counselor are encouraged to ensure the boundaries remain effective. Recovery support can include support groups, like Sex Addicts Anonymous, recovery sponsors, accountability partners, in- or outpatient treatment programs, counselling, medical help and Internet filters. 2. Stopping rituals All addictions have rituals. Rituals can be anything from thoughts to behaviours that eventually lead to sexual acting out. Not only does abuse of pornography lead to a loss of interest in sex, it can make men unable to perform sexually and create a mindset where even the idea of sex exists in a different realm than reality. During the process, the viewer becomes addicted to pornography online, then needs more and more of the material to get the same effect; but their response to the images is reduced, until they cannot become aroused any longer. Looking at the behavioral manifestation and realizing how the behavior shows up is one important aspect when determining if someone is struggling with a sexual addiction. Understanding what drives the behavior is also crucial. Having said that, I am not professing to have a recipe for recognizing someone with a sexual addiction, but there are telltale signs. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help.