I have developed a formula that helps them to remember to do a read on the partners feelings and see things from her perspective. The formula is easy to follow because it only has 3 steps to follow. AVR-The Empathy Formula Practicing the A in AVR requires that you acknowledge the situation and accompanying pain. I quickly learned that I could block specific websites and receive weekly accountability emails. For the first time in a long time, I felt some aspect of peace and steadiness coming back into my life. And my husband felt it too. Each week, month, and year that passed made it easier to live a life free from pornography. Desperate to "recover right", most sex addicts are guarded about their early sexual choices and behaviors. Sex addicts often drag perfectionism, shame, and self-hatred into their sexual decision making process, which is what drove the addictive behaviors in the first place. While the first few months of sexual recovery does require somewhat rigid boundaries, it is essential to help addicts negotiate the line between healthy sexual recovery and a healthy nurturing of self. On the other hand, holiness does involve the things we do. It s hard work, all the dying to self and living to righteousness. Some Christians have used the expression the already and the not yet to describe this tension in the life of the Christian. We are already made holy by the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Though the therapist promised to help them navigate recovery in the most positive way, he had been labeled too emotionally stuck and sent off to individual therapy with me! It was the therapist that indicated his inability to surrender and heal was holding back recovery. Was this a special case? Sadly no, too often, many betrayed spouses receive this message. A formal disclosure process led by a certified sex addiction therapist is the best way to get the information necessary so that the betrayed partner can make the most important decision of their life: Will they stay in the relationship or leave? Partners who continue to be consumed with seeking information are tortured not by the behavior but by their unrelenting quest to uncover all of the lies.