Constructively compassionate is defined as allowing oneself to be fully present with the experience of oneself, while fostering a mutual acceptance of suffering, to bring a kinder reaction to distressing emotionality. This is intimacy with the self. That intimacy then ripples out into every other aspect of the partner s life. As in all steps of healing, it is important that there is safety for everyone. Doing the right thing does not mean that it doesn t hurt, but with adequate support and love, hurt can lead to great transformation. It has been our research experience that virtually all of the couples we have worked with who go through disclosure will not only survive but thrive as a result. Specifically, what does holiness mean in the context of struggles with pornography? I suspect most people have a vague understanding of holiness that it has something to do with God, that it probably means there are some things they should or shouldn t do. Years ago, a secular magazine published an article about Covenant Eyes, suggesting we block unholy web content. The factors that lead to one outcome or the other are as varied as the people involved. Factors that add to the chances of rebuilding the marriage include: Establishing a higher level and new kind of communication; Acceptance by the addict that he broke the covenant of marriage and must be willing to accept responsibility; The addict must work to rebuild his wife s trust in him. Without help to address the underlying causes that drive sexual addiction, sexual addicts are only able to stop acting out temporarily, and that only because of an enormous amount of willpower. Eventually willpower alone is not enough. Unable to withstand the mental obsession and physical temptations, addicts return to their addictive sexual behaviour. He admits he knew in his heart that things would not end well for him if he continued down that path at work. Today, after years of working on recovery, he no longer has this problem. He finds it easier to be more productive and engaged in his job. He no longer feels the pull of pornography coming from his phone at all times, at home and at work.