Our Conditions We are told Jesus saw an invalid lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time 38 years. If we speculate this man was around 55 years old, it would mean that he had this condition since he was 17. If you had asked him how long he d been an invalid I m sure his answer would have been all of my life! Treating pornography and sex addiction is like an iceberg, you only see the surface. Avoiding the Question How do people participating in these behaviors feel afterward? My experience is that they will do whatever they can to avoid that question. They avoid quiet and reflective time when the mind or conscience pricks them. I know that as couples seek to heal and transform from the hurts of infidelity, full disclosure is an important part of trust-building. Often a wife learns about unfaithful behaviors through her own accidental discovery or through more intentional detective work. Either might lead her to ask many questions that sometimes her husband may or may not be willing to answer. Janis Abrahms Spring, How Can I Forgive You? As the unfaithful party, you need to know that forgiveness is a joint journey that you must earn. It is impossible to forgive if the other side has not earned forgiveness. Your partner may be stuck here. A couples therapist that sends your partner to heal alone with me or another therapist sends them towards failure and more self-blame. From Secret Addiction to Full Transparency After being married for eight years, I came home unexpectedly one afternoon to find out that my husband had a pornography addiction. I was defeated, brokenhearted, and overwhelmed. I was a young, stay-at-home mom with four little kids, and my life felt shattered. Do Christians in the 21st century still need to be holy? If so, what exactly does this mean? Specifically, what does holiness mean in the context of struggles with pornography? I suspect most people have a vague understanding of holiness that it has something to do with God, that it probably means there are some things they should or shouldn t do.