No wonder the Bible instructs us to speak truth to each other. I know that as couples seek to heal and transform from the hurts of infidelity, full disclosure is an important part of trust-building. Often a wife learns about unfaithful behaviors through her own accidental discovery or through more intentional detective work. , sex addiction expert and therapist, is the ability to be real with another person. This might seem like a simple thing, but any addict, not just those who experience sexual compulsion, is a person who struggles with being real, (i.e., honest, available and truly vulnerable) with another person. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. Blow number one is the gut punch of betrayal; a breathtaking breach in trust that changes your relationship in permanent ways. Blow number two is the shocking realization that your partner has been extravagantly and expertly lying and manipulating reality in order to cover up their behaviors. Finding Help In February 2017, we joined Covenant Eyes and hesitantly installed the app. I remember talking on the phone to an older woman who was a Covenant Eyes customer service employee. She talked to me with empathy and compassion for what I was dealing with and why I was getting this account set up. A Sex Addict Needs to Want to Recover When thinking of the addict and addiction, one should think recover rather than total cure. This is akin to being declared in remission when cancer is involved. However, there is much growth and blessing to be received in the recovery process. The addicted person must come to a point in the active addiction process where he hurts enough to conclude that he wants his peace of mind back. Any justification or rationale your brain can throw at you to undermine your resolve is likely to surface at different times. The fact that it's difficult is itself evidence that the way you are managing your life deserves your full attention. If you are in a relationship with someone you have sexually betrayed, an agreed-upon time without sex can allow for some relationship healing to begin by giving you an opportunity to focus on developing nonsexual emotional safety and connection.