I have developed a formula that helps them to remember to do a read on the partners feelings and see things from her perspective. The formula is easy to follow because it only has 3 steps to follow. AVR-The Empathy Formula Practicing the A in AVR requires that you acknowledge the situation and accompanying pain. This might seem like a simple thing, but any addict, not just those who experience sexual compulsion, is a person who struggles with being real, (i.e., honest, available and truly vulnerable) with another person. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. One of the ways you could help me with that is by staying committed to group . The needs were really about safety, support, confidence in our work, movement/change, etc. and we stay aware of what that real need is. Step 3: Third, we understand that our partner is not obligated to meet our need. There is freedom too, but not a requirement too. Healing shame There is hope for recovery from sexual addiction. Recovery is a process that occurs over time. Recovery and healing are not one-time events. Sexual addiction takes many years to develop and will require time for genuine health to be restored. It s much like losing weight: it takes time to gain weight and will take time to lose it. So sobriety may look different for different people. A core concept from 12-step recovery programs is that there is a profound difference between true sobriety and mere abstinence. From this perspective, sobriety is much more than staying away from unwanted behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. If you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair in the USA & Canada, you can schedule a free consultation with Relationship Experts. No! There are two key problems with approaching recovery this way: A: Navigating The Process Productively Will Not Feel Positive (And That s Okay) Processing betrayal is messy.