Together with co-author, Marsha Means, MA, Steffens wrote a remarkable book on sex addiction and PTSD as it relates to her research. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. It is complicated to understand that there are two truths for people who struggle with sex addiction: they love their partner (in the way they know love) and act out sexually with themselves or others. Betrayed partners come to understand that addiction is a division of the self. Reflection and reconstruction Betrayal trauma causes a fracture in the foundation of a relationship and the foundation of the self. The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model incorporates these skills to help you to become less reactive to your environment and the reality of the betrayal. You replace the fear with a constructive compassion that is reinforced using the Ford Isomorphic Path to Self-Intimacy. I know that you want to be less fearful of the unknown, and yet, you are afraid to stop looking for clues that he is acting out because you do not want to be betrayed again. If I learned one thing, it was the fact that these individuals came in all shapes, sizes, colors, genders and socioeconomic backgrounds. Often, it was the unassuming person, ostensibly the harmless law-abiding type, who was committing the most heinous crimes. A sex addict can be your happily married neighbor, your pastor, a doctor, a lawyer, a man or a woman. I hate that I have ruined some important holidays for you, but I want to reassure you that I am working a good recovery program and will work on creating new memories that you can trust. Empathy is putting yourself in her place. You cannot possibly know the intensity of her feelings, but when you are able to look at what she is struggling with through her eyes, you are better able to assess what she needs. In another six-month period, the sex addict goes through a type of grief. She feels terrible about the damage she has caused to herself and to others. She also grieves the loss of her addiction because she used it like a crutch for a long period of time. Finally, whatever she used her addiction to cover up begins to emerge.