For example, one we often hear: I need you to go group while still being good information for us by assisting us on finding the deeper need, is not actually the need. I need a sense of safety and support around our recovery might be closer to that need. Or I need to feel like I am doing everything I can to get to a better place or I find I get really afraid. He's now the editor of the Covenant Eyes blog and the author of Allied: Fighting Porn With Accountability, Faith, and Friends. He lives in Hendersonville, North Carolina with his wife Ruby and daughter Winslow. Contact Keith with blog inquiries. Do Christians in the 21st century still need to be holy? B: Advice Regarding Surrender Or Getting Over Hurt On Your Own Any therapist s expectation that a hurt, betrayed partner would get over it and make recovery less messy is not helpful. Advising them to seek out another therapist alone is not helpful. Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. My feeling of shame tells me I have sinned and that I need to deal with it through confession and repentance. Unhealthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong and feel like a bad person. Unhealthy shame tells me I am worthless, I am no good. Unhealthy shame attacks my value as a person; healthy shame judges my behaviour, not my person, as right or wrong. The reality of the situation rocks the foundational values they have believed in and based their lives on. What is perhaps most disturbing is that they were going about their daily routine in the safety of their own home, and, in an instant, a discovery upends their world. It happens through answering a knock at the door, reading a random text, picking up a ringing telephone or the most common form of discovery turning on the computer to check email. Each week, month, and year that passed made it easier to live a life free from pornography. He was doing the work to overcome the addiction, and Covenant Eyes was the tool helping to make it easier for him. Recently I asked my husband how he was doing with his addiction. I didn t really need to ask, because his actions and accountability tell me everything I need to know, but it was reassuring nonetheless when he told me, Covenant Eyes has removed the temptation for me.