The explanation can be challenging for betrayed partners to hear and can take time to process fully. Although they may not understand the why behind the behavior, betrayed partners can gain answers that help provide clarity and make healing possible for them and the relationship. Daphne, a heartbroken partner, described her why questions as follows: What were you thinking? Each week, month, and year that passed made it easier to live a life free from pornography. He was doing the work to overcome the addiction, and Covenant Eyes was the tool helping to make it easier for him. Recently I asked my husband how he was doing with his addiction. I didn t really need to ask, because his actions and accountability tell me everything I need to know, but it was reassuring nonetheless when he told me, Covenant Eyes has removed the temptation for me. Others spend years, even decades, caught in the addiction cycle, engaging in risky and dangerous sexual behaviors before they acknowledge that they need help. Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. It is my opinion that those who produce and participate in the making of any form of pornography are so deep into rationalizing and justifying their behaviors that they can no longer hear, feel, or see the truth about what they are doing. There is no way they could do this work unless they have these psychological defenses firmly in place. Figuring out which side of the line is right for a particular person can depend on many factors, making this a topic worth discussing with trusted resources of support and guidance. Either way, during an initial period of sexual abstinence it's best to keep masturbation off limits just like any other form of sexual expression. Sex addiction, at base, is an intimacy disorder. And intimacy, according to Linda Hatch, Ph.D., sex addiction expert and therapist, is the ability to be real with another person. This might seem like a simple thing, but any addict, not just those who experience sexual compulsion, is a person who struggles with being real, (i.