The first is what I call a border line , which is any behavior that increases the risk of relapse and therefore must be carefully monitored. Borderline behavior isn t the same as a relapse but it can be the beginning of a gradual slide back to one. Finally, top lines are all forms of healthy behaviors that promote sobriety and good self-care. What Does Holiness Mean When You Struggle With Porn? By Keith Rose Keith Rose holds a Master of Divinity degree and BA in Sacred Music. Keith worked with the Covenant Eyes Member Care Team for 15 years. He has also served as a Bible teacher, pastoral assistant, and music director at his local church. The timing to resume sexual intimacy varies, but it s generally recommended to have at least 45 days of abstinence, with a true reboot possibly taking 90 days or longer. The decision to resume intimacy should be based on your readiness and trust in your husband s commitment to recovery. If he continues to violate boundaries or threatens your progress, you may need to extend the abstinence period. This might seem like a simple thing, but any addict, not just those who experience sexual compulsion, is a person who struggles with being real, (i.e., honest, available and truly vulnerable) with another person. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. I soon learned that the very person he and his betraying partner turned to for guidance, their couples therapist, had implicated him as the problem partner! Though the therapist promised to help them navigate recovery in the most positive way, he had been labeled too emotionally stuck and sent off to individual therapy with me! They are: Stopping sexual behaviours Stopping rituals Stopping fantasy Healing despair Healing shame. Stopping sexual behaviours Admitting there's a problem is the first step to coming out of denial. Once the addiction is admitted, the next step is to stop addictive behaviours. Just as an alcoholic must stop drinking alcohol, a sex addict must stop all sexual acting out behaviours.