As with the paralytic, the conditions we deal with actually consist of two problems. With a pornography/sexual addiction, the outer problem is our acting out behaviors. And for the spouse, it is the loss of trust and damage to a marriage relationship. We want all of these circumstances we find ourselves in to go away. The problem with questioning is that a betrayed woman may wonder if she has not asked just the right question, or enough questions, so her mind will continue to obsess about what she has missed. And the problem is no different with looking for information there is always the possibility that something was hidden too well. My spirits were low, and this was a last-ditch effort to see if we could eliminate pornography from our lives for good. I quickly learned that I could block specific websites and receive weekly accountability emails. For the first time in a long time, I felt some aspect of peace and steadiness coming back into my life. While it's true that usually some sexual behavior has to cease completely, the ultimate goal for most people is not to go without sex for the rest of their lives. Instead, it is to manage sexuality in manner that is safe, sane and healthy for them. This makes recovery for sex addiction more similar to compulsive overeating where the goal is to manage food appropriately, not stop eating altogether. Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. The Addict is Responsible for His Own Recovery The addict is responsible for working on himself. Others can support his work toward sobriety, but no one can do the work for him. You cannot possibly know the intensity of her feelings, but when you are able to look at what she is struggling with through her eyes, you are better able to assess what she needs. To the Partner: I recognize that the AVR formula will sound scripted and rote. I promise you he does not know how to empathize, so he must learn the skills before it becomes natural to him.