Why Full Disclosure is Important Mark & Debbie Laaser Faithful and True Ministries Speak the truth to each other. (Zec.8:16). At Faithful & True, we encourage truth-telling. We encourage being authentic. We work with many couples for whom there has been lying and covering up of sexual and emotional betrayal. Twelve-step programs emphasize the need to completely abstain from the identified problematic behaviors, but this philosophy is not as straightforward as it sounds when it comes to sexual behavior. Instead of educating people about healthier sexuality, some recovery movements emphasize complete abstinence of sexual behavior, outside of marriage and committed relationships, which results in extreme pressure and self-imposed guilt and shame. This is the most important stage recognizing that what we are feeling is likely less about them and who they are and what they are doing and more about a need that we have. So, we identify: I probably have a need . Step 2: Second, we learn to articulate our need in a hearable way. There are two parts to communication: 1) saying it in a hearable way, and 2) being in a posture to receive. Instead, it is to manage sexuality in manner that is safe, sane and healthy for them. This makes recovery for sex addiction more similar to compulsive overeating where the goal is to manage food appropriately, not stop eating altogether. For many people, a good definition of sexual sobriety is to engage in sex only with a primary partner when true emotional intimacy is present. This could be the diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease, an arrest, attempting suicide or anything else that causes the addict to commit to change. The shock stage. For the next six to eight months, the addict has admitted to the problem but is in shock and disbelief. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. In the new book Help.Them.Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. You will also see how relational skills help repair the present-day problems that are buried in relational trauma. If you find that your coupleship is struggling because the addict does not seem to be using his opportunities to practice it, you may find that you need an ERCEM Specialist to be your guide.