By Keith Rose Keith Rose holds a Master of Divinity degree and BA in Sacred Music. Keith worked with the Covenant Eyes Member Care Team for 15 years. He has also served as a Bible teacher, pastoral assistant, and music director at his local church. He's now the editor of the Covenant Eyes blog and the author of Allied: Fighting Porn With Accountability, Faith, and Friends. Was this a special case? Sadly no, too often, many betrayed spouses receive this message. The additional emotional burden results in further confusion and harm. Both are unnecessary and further delay the betrayal trauma recovery the couple needs. So, what does a hurting partner really need in order to heal? What makes you think you can take a stripper and her child to Disneyland, tell me and then expect me to stand for it? How could you use my faith and religion against me by saying, Aren t you supposed to forgive? Judge not lest you be judged, and, most offensive, I think you were put on this earth to save me. They may return to sex, over and over again, to experience the high of it despite negative consequences. Just like with other addictions, they may escalate their behavior over time. They may begin to engage in sexual behaviors more frequently or with more recklessness. Someone suffering from both substance abuse and mental health issues, including sex addiction, is defined as having a co-occurring disorder. As you read this blog, ask yourself if just for the morning, afternoon or evening, you might consider staying in the moment and creating a mindset that is reassuring and reminds you that you can choose to focus on the events of the day that create certainty: the blue sky, your baby s breath, the rhythm of your walk, your beautiful home what ever is safe and true for the moment. At the time I did not understand the science and theory behind the way that we pair-bond and what happens when that attachment is damaged. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior.