Recovery is also very much about recognizing that much of who we ve presented ourselves to be to others, and many of the ways we ve chosen to do it, have been based on dishonesty. It is in learning how to have real closeness with others authentic intimacy that we begin to heal. To do that, we ll need to spend a bit of time understanding the early wounds that created our intimacy disordered behavior (addictions). We work with many couples for whom there has been lying and covering up of sexual and emotional betrayal. For couples who seek to heal these hurts, we know that there needs to be a new foundation built from telling the truth the whole truth. We call this process full disclosure. I (Debbie) work with wives and partners of men who struggle with being relationally faithful. Marital counseling for couples can be quite helpful to the future life and health of the relationship, but should only occur after each partner has participated in individual therapy to help them each rise above their own set of issues. Christian Counseling for Sex Addiction As a Christian counselor, I have seen that some marriages can certainly be restored, but there are no guarantees of restoration. He no longer feels the pull of pornography coming from his phone at all times, at home and at work. My biggest personal victory has been the peace and confidence I feel when I help my children navigate the world of technology. They are now older and we can talk openly about the dangers of pornography, how to avoid it, and why pornography is so dangerous for your brain. The Role of Masturbation in Sexual Sobriety You may be wondering how masturbation relates to the concept of sexual sobriety, especially for people without sexual partners. For some sex addicts compulsive masturbation can become a heavily reinforced behavior that is central to the addictive cycle. Masturbation almost always includes fantasy and for true sex addicts such fantasy can amplify into a downward spiral of obsession, objectification and eventually full-fledged compulsion. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc., then the call of the addict has served its purpose and deserves appreciation. This replaces shameful behavior with self-nurturing and healthy attachment.