So, if our need was for safety, support, confidence in our work and movement/change, what are ways we can offer that to ourselves? Step 5: Finally, if after being proactive in these ways, that need still remains, can we surrender that need? Can we see if God might work in that space and bring about something we could not? But in the case of chronic betrayers, their reasons lie deep below the surface, much like the iceberg that sank the Titanic. The question becomes, Why would someone who appears to be functioning well act against their morals and values? Are these folks actually addicted to sex, or is sex addiction an excuse for bad behavior? Constructively compassionate is defined as allowing oneself to be fully present with the experience of oneself, while fostering a mutual acceptance of suffering, to bring a kinder reaction to distressing emotionality. This is intimacy with the self. That intimacy then ripples out into every other aspect of the partner s life. He must understand that attaining and maintaining sobriety involves a daily commitment. Sometimes, especially at the beginning of the recovery process, sobriety has to be dealt with hour-by-hour. The Spouse s Road to Recovery Upon discovering the addiction, the spouses of sex addicts find themselves mentally and emotionally shattered. The brain responds to visual sexual images in microseconds, and the chemical reactions take place instantly and automatically. Many claim that this behavior is normal or mere entertainment because of the chemical brain s power and capacity to shut out the conscience. They don t look for treatment because they feel there is no addiction. It is during this stage that the study found sex addicts truly began to enjoy life again and felt confident in having strong, healthy sexual relationships. The Need for Lasting Change It s only natural to feel a sense of despair when you see how long it can take to heal from sex addiction. You should also feel hope, though.