Darrin Ford explains in his Isomorphic Path to Intimacy that to gain intimacy as a couple it needs to begin with self-intimacy, and furthermore, partners need to practice distress tolerance and be present with the uncomfortable emotionality that is an inevitable outcome of a partner s natural state manifesting from the betrayal. Today, after years of working on recovery, he no longer has this problem. He finds it easier to be more productive and engaged in his job. He no longer feels the pull of pornography coming from his phone at all times, at home and at work. My biggest personal victory has been the peace and confidence I feel when I help my children navigate the world of technology. To send either of you anywhere, wounded and alone, outside the couples session, won t get you where you want to go. Instead, your therapist would be wiser and more helpful to Help you understand that your partner s pain makes perfect sense! ask your partner what they need to heal. determine what is missing in the therapeutic process so they can help them feel better. It happens through answering a knock at the door, reading a random text, picking up a ringing telephone or the most common form of discovery turning on the computer to check email. The shock for the betrayed partner is so profound in the first moment, the first hour and the first day that it is hard to comprehend. Getting Attached When we pair up into long-term relationships we begin a process of bonding with one another that is a beautiful and profound intertwining of two lives. In this mysterious attachment, we actually start to physically operate as one biological organism. The book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment says, Numerous studies show that once we become attached to someone, the two of us form one physiological unit. Personal action items may involve seeking personal counseling for emotional healing, along with creating a plan for different scenarios based on your husband s response to recovery efforts. If he earnestly seeks help, you can commit to working on the relationship together. If he refuses help, you must follow through with consequences when boundaries are crossed.