Readiness Indicators for Relationship in Recovery Through the process of recovery, addicts begin developing greater self-awareness, deeper empathy and understanding for themselves and others, greater honesty and integrity and a desire to be accountable. They begin healing their intimacy disorder by coming to understand their own worthiness a sense of self-worth and confidence that allows them to risk feeling vulnerable with others, the key to true intimacy and communication. By stimulating both sides of the brain, EMDR shifts the traumatic memory from the right side of the brain to the left side (the logical side). Doing this can reduce the negative feelings associated with trauma. EMDR can provide a faster and more effective results than other traditional forms of therapy. Because our partner has caused us such deep pain, they now feel like a threat to our well-being rather than a source of comfort and rest. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples says that betrayal traumas, overwhelm coping capacities and define the relationship, as a source of danger rather than a safe haven in times of stress. Stopping fantasy Sexual fantasy is at the heart of sexual addiction and alone is enough to trigger sexual stimulation. Fantasy has a powerful grip on the mind, which does not respond to commands to "stop." The more effort made to stop fantasizing, the stronger the fantasy gets. So how does a sex addict stop fantasizing? The secrets, lies, gaslighting and deception throughout the relationship are a silent cancer that consumes the infrastructure. The most devastating aspect of discovery is that the entire system that holds the relationship together begins to collapse into itself. For the betrayed partner, healing involves self-reflection. As you read this blog, ask yourself if just for the morning, afternoon or evening, you might consider staying in the moment and creating a mindset that is reassuring and reminds you that you can choose to focus on the events of the day that create certainty: the blue sky, your baby s breath, the rhythm of your walk, your beautiful home what ever is safe and true for the moment.