As he age progresses himself through his story, it becomes clearer and clearer how his sexual sin developed and progressed. Understanding these facts and the dynamic that hurt people can go on to hurt people can help a wife build empathy and can also help her to depersonalize his behaviors. She can hopefully hear in his story that these behaviors are not really about her, they are about much older and deeper pain. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a common treatment for those with a sex addiction rooted in trauma. EMDR is a trauma-focused therapy that helps patients identify and process their trauma. Often, trauma gets stored in the right side of the brain (the emotional side). By stimulating both sides of the brain, EMDR shifts the traumatic memory from the right side of the brain to the left side (the logical side). At first it can seem counterintuitive to bring up the damage your addiction has caused her. She wants to know that you remember her pain is a result of your actions. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It s about God s grace working in a believer s life. Christians should rely on God s strength through prayer, Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and Christian community, rather than trying to conquer sin by their own efforts (Philippians 2:13). When a Christian struggles with temptation or even relapses, it doesn t mean God has abandoned them. This is the most important stage recognizing that what we are feeling is likely less about them and who they are and what they are doing and more about a need that we have. So, we identify: I probably have a need . Step 2: Second, we learn to articulate our need in a hearable way. There are two parts to communication: 1) saying it in a hearable way, and 2) being in a posture to receive.