But because your need matters to them, they might suggest an alternative I can t leave just yet, but how about in an hour and a half. (stage 3). While you felt heard and understood by the suggestion and can recognize the situation your spouse is in, you notice that you still really need to go home. So, as it is your need, you consider ways to take care of yourself (stage 4). It can also cause someone to experience shame, low self-worth, depression and anxiety. Sexual satiation perpetuates the addictive process by propelling it into deeper and more deviant places. A pornography addict, for example, might upgrade to impersonal sexual encounters, and then impersonal sexual encounters may lead to illegal sexual acts, such as voyeurism and exhibitionism. At this point, the spouse faces a choice in her response to her partner s addiction and actions. Her response will determine whether she grows emotionally and spiritually, or whether she emotionally stagnates. She can either learn and grow, or she can stay mired in anger, betrayal, and distrust. It is crucial for the spouse to seek two things immediately upon disclosure. Despite the negative consequences caused by their addiction, recovering addicts need to find ways to love and value the addiction. They should see the desire to act out as an emotional alarm going off. This alarm is saying that he is in some kind of need and should reach out. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. Avoiding the Question How do people participating in these behaviors feel afterward? My experience is that they will do whatever they can to avoid that question. They avoid quiet and reflective time when the mind or conscience pricks them. It is my opinion that those who produce and participate in the making of any form of pornography are so deep into rationalizing and justifying their behaviors that they can no longer hear, feel, or see the truth about what they are doing. Instead, it is to manage sexuality in manner that is safe, sane and healthy for them. This makes recovery for sex addiction more similar to compulsive overeating where the goal is to manage food appropriately, not stop eating altogether. For many people, a good definition of sexual sobriety is to engage in sex only with a primary partner when true emotional intimacy is present.