Sex addicts often report feelings of guilt, shame and remorse associated with their sexual experiences. Addicts may feel hopeless and powerless in their situation, believing they have no control over their sexual thoughts and actions. Therefore, they get stuck in a loop of negative behaviors. Patrick Carnes calls this The Offending Cycle . It is crucial for the spouse to seek two things immediately upon disclosure. Firstly, counseling with a therapist who is familiar with treating the effects of this kind of trauma. And, secondly, active participation in a support group of other women whose husbands are addicted to sex. Both issues need to be addressed, but dealing with trauma has priority. Your remorse and commitment to actively restore love and trust in your relationship will propel you both forward as a unit. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Process is for Healing, Not Fixing If you are the hurt partner: Please understand that therapy is not about the business of fixing you. This is not the goal of therapy. Physical Boundaries Physical boundaries are crucial during the emotional volatility that often accompanies recovery. These boundaries aim to provide space for both partners to heal and avoid conflict escalation. If your safety is at risk, you should not tolerate physical or sexual violence and should seek help from appropriate authorities. They are now older and we can talk openly about the dangers of pornography, how to avoid it, and why pornography is so dangerous for your brain. This is something that never would have happened without the trials that my husband and I have endured together. Another victory for me has been that I found the confidence in myself to apply for nursing school at age 34 with four kids also in school. So the better our relationships are in terms of providing us with a sense of, I can depend on you the more we are able to move fully into the rest of our lives, face insecurity and take risks. In this way our adult relationships mirror our relationship with our parents as children; both, when functioning well, provide us with a secure base from which we can enter our worlds with confidence.