This takes time sometimes lots of time; If restoration of the marriage is to occur, the wife must firmly establish her boundaries, engage in the self-care of counseling and support, and be willing, at some time in the future, to be called to forgive him. We are called by God to forgive and forgiveness is one part of the restoration of the marriage. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame. Readiness Indicators for Relationship in Recovery Through the process of recovery, addicts begin developing greater self-awareness, deeper empathy and understanding for themselves and others, greater honesty and integrity and a desire to be accountable. They begin healing their intimacy disorder by coming to understand their own worthiness a sense of self-worth and confidence that allows them to risk feeling vulnerable with others, the key to true intimacy and communication. This tells us that watching porn has no part in the Christian s life. Watching porn is sin, and it s part of the darkness we re called away from. Although many Christians struggle with this, it goes against the grain of who they are in Jesus. 2. Holiness Means Receiving God s Grace For Christians, overcoming pornography is not primarily about self-discipline or willpower. Getting Attached When we pair up into long-term relationships we begin a process of bonding with one another that is a beautiful and profound intertwining of two lives. In this mysterious attachment, we actually start to physically operate as one biological organism. The book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment says, Numerous studies show that once we become attached to someone, the two of us form one physiological unit. As a sex addict learns that others have gone down the same road and have begun to heal, despair ebbs away and hope returns. 5. Healing shame There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame. Healthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong, like lying, and I feel shame about it. My feeling of shame tells me I have sinned and that I need to deal with it through confession and repentance.