Sometimes people in 12-step recovery refer to acts that would constitute a relapse as "bottom-line behaviors". In addition to bottom lines , two other "lines" are helpful to understand. The first is what I call a border line , which is any behavior that increases the risk of relapse and therefore must be carefully monitored. , honest, available and truly vulnerable) with another person. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. These may take the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of an appropriately nurturing caregiver. Once the manic state is over, however, the individual may feel shame or remorse for their actions, exacerbating symptoms of depression. This, in turn, may lead to subsequent acting out behavior. For some people, there are specific triggers which cause the onset of manic episodes. For example, there may be certain places, times of the day, or thoughts that lead to manic episodes involving sexual acting out behavior. In this way our adult relationships mirror our relationship with our parents as children; both, when functioning well, provide us with a secure base from which we can enter our worlds with confidence. Breaking Bad If it is true that when we attach to someone healthy and functional, it feels good and provides a sense of security, grounding, safety and wholeness, then the opposite is also true. Boundaries provide a framework for your husband to take responsibility for his own healing journey and give you the space to focus on your healing, which is equally important for the marriage s recovery. Trusting your husband again should not be forced but should come naturally as he follows the boundaries set during the recovery process. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant.