Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. My feeling of shame tells me I have sinned and that I need to deal with it through confession and repentance. Unhealthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong and feel like a bad person. Unhealthy shame tells me I am worthless, I am no good. Unhealthy shame attacks my value as a person; healthy shame judges my behaviour, not my person, as right or wrong. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant. Instead, you want to gently remind her that you will work diligently to build back her trust in you). Therefore, when approaching the problem of sexual addiction, I believe it is our duty to conceptualize it knowing that sexual desire is a common denominator (at various levels) among both humans and animals. The fact that sexuality is a core part of the human experience explains why categorically it is different from other types of addiction such as alcohol and substance use, gambling, and shopping. A core concept from 12-step recovery programs is that there is a profound difference between true sobriety and mere abstinence. From this perspective, sobriety is much more than staying away from unwanted behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. Feelings of confusion, betrayal, abandonment, and even anger and hate, are normal responses under these circumstances. At this point, the spouse faces a choice in her response to her partner s addiction and actions. Her response will determine whether she grows emotionally and spiritually, or whether she emotionally stagnates.