We work with many couples for whom there has been lying and covering up of sexual and emotional betrayal. For couples who seek to heal these hurts, we know that there needs to be a new foundation built from telling the truth the whole truth. We call this process full disclosure. I (Debbie) work with wives and partners of men who struggle with being relationally faithful. The repair stage. This serious period of healing from sex addiction and its underlying causes can last from one to three years. During this period, the addict gets intensive therapy, learns to take responsibility for her actions, deepens her relationships with her loved ones and learns to have a healthy relationship with sex. This is intimacy with the self. That intimacy then ripples out into every other aspect of the partner s life. This allows the betrayal trauma response to calm as you gain the ability to be present with the natural normal distress resulting from the discovery that the addict has betrayed them. Your reactivity decreases and your distress acceptance takes the charge out of the fear equation. And for the spouse, it is the loss of trust and damage to a marriage relationship. We want all of these circumstances we find ourselves in to go away. But just as with the paralytic in the story, we still have to address the inner problem and condition to get healed. Getting to the HEART of the Issue It is no coincidence that the initial phase of our mentoring program and the first 3 steps of a 12-step program are surrender. More information would have helped me feel normal and I would have been able to be kinder to myself when my emotions and behavior felt out of control. At the time I did not understand the science and theory behind the way that we pair-bond and what happens when that attachment is damaged. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. The Spouse s Choice in the Face of Sex Addiction It can be a rough road to healing for the spouse.