This is not an excuse for sinning; it is an opportunity to grow through pain. We recommend that full-disclosure be witnessed by a professional. As in all steps of healing, it is important that there is safety for everyone. Doing the right thing does not mean that it doesn t hurt, but with adequate support and love, hurt can lead to great transformation. All humans need positive reinforcement, especially when they are working on relational repair. In the new book Help.Them.Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. You will also see how relational skills help repair the present-day problems that are buried in relational trauma. His boss was asking him why he spent so much time on his phone in the bathroom, and there was simply no excuse for his lack of productivity. He admits he knew in his heart that things would not end well for him if he continued down that path at work. Today, after years of working on recovery, he no longer has this problem. On one hand, holiness is something that God does for a Christian. It s an objective reality because of Jesus s work on the cross, and it doesn t depend on how we feel or what we do. That s incredible. On the other hand, holiness does involve the things we do. It s hard work, all the dying to self and living to righteousness. A secondary gain of mindfulness is that over time, you can learn to be present with the uncertainty, which is a normal response that is manifested out of betrayal trauma in a manner that was not reactive driven. When you learn this, you will not only survive, but thrive because of the self-growth that has occurred because of your trauma. The patient begins to realize that she has a problem and may even reach out for help, but can t commit. She might start therapy or go to group sessions, but drop out. The crisis stage. During this brief stage, one to three months long, the addict s problems reach a crisis level. She makes a firm commitment to change after experiencing a crisis moment.