When the work has begun in earnest, and after real time has been put in, only then can healthy relationships stand a chance of developing for addicts. Readiness Indicators for Relationship in Recovery Through the process of recovery, addicts begin developing greater self-awareness, deeper empathy and understanding for themselves and others, greater honesty and integrity and a desire to be accountable. You could say, I need you to stop acting like a teenager and take me home or you could say, I m noticing I m tired and I have a need for sweatpants (or to be home, comfort, rest stage two). Your spouse hears you, considers your request and is aware that they have a need to stay a while longer as this is their work event and it s expected that they remain. Years ago, a secular magazine published an article about Covenant Eyes, suggesting we block unholy web content. Naturally, the author used the word ironically. She meant Christian prudery. But holiness is much more than this. Hebrews 12:14 instructs Christians to pursue holiness because, without it no one will see the Lord. A hurt person heals amid the remorse, accountability, and responsiveness of the person who injured them. Permit yourself to stop feeling bad about not forgiving quickly enough for your partner, your therapist, or anyone else. Does being unable to surrender to the process mean you are cruel or hard-hearted? Financial and technological transparency: Request access to his financial and technological accounts. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure for complete honesty. Recovery support: Encourage him to seek counseling or join a support group. Check-ins and transparency: Discuss his recovery progress and triggers. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame." Replacing Shame The work done that day underscores the importance of relieving the burden of shame from the recovering sex addict.