This can include a deep-rooted sense of unworthiness, efforts to block or numb residual feelings, finding pleasure in extreme risk-taking, compulsive deprivation and re-creation of the trauma experience. Many of these responses can manifest in the form of the compulsive sexual behaviors that are seen with sex addiction. When I first began a journey toward recovery I intellectually understood the concept and need for surrender but found it difficult to get to the heart of true surrender. Until 1543, the accepted understanding of the universe put the Earth at the center with all other celestial bodies circling it. This thinking aligns with our instinctual tendency to see, and put, ourselves at the center of our universe. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). If you were indeed able to figure out the primary feeling, you will be able to validate it later in your day if it comes up. Between the cute stuffed animals was an ugly, humpbacked dragon with only one eye. Once, as I walked past, I saw some patients kicking this creature around and calling it names. I stopped and asked why they were abusing this ugly, but harmless, dragon. One patient replied, "He's green and ugly and reminds me of my addiction. In response, they seek affair partners, watch pornography or pay for sex to avoid these real-life connections. Carnes second book, Don t Call It Love, is aptly titled. Acting out is not about love or sex; instead, acting out numbs the overwhelming agony of being loved by a real-life partner. The root of addiction and the brain science At the root of addiction is trauma. Often, because of mistaken understandings within our family of origin about needs and how to navigate needs within relationship, we have developed a way of being along a continuum. We may have learned to be needless and wantless (self-sufficient), or that your needs don t matter, or we may have learned to be somewhat needy (a passive requiring of others to do for me what perhaps I could sometimes take care of myself learned helplessness).