Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. Either way, during an initial period of sexual abstinence it's best to keep masturbation off limits just like any other form of sexual expression. Bottom Lines, Border Lines and Top Lines All this discussion of sexual sobriety leads to the need to discuss exactly what constitutes a "relapse" in sex addiction. Sex Addiction as a term first appeared in the mid-1970s when a group of people in Alcoholics Anonymous got together to apply the principles of 12-step programs to issues of compulsive sexual behaviors. Research has shown that sexual addiction and substance abuse are often correlated. An estimated 40-64% of sex addicts also suffer from substance abuse disorders. Pornography eats away at the inner soul. After one views it (usually in secrecy and isolation), it leaves them with absolute misery and despair. These feelings prove they are a slave to it; they no longer have control over it. Sexual addiction, like all addictions, steals the mind s freedom and the right to choose. Others spend years, even decades, caught in the addiction cycle, engaging in risky and dangerous sexual behaviors before they acknowledge that they need help. Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. Holiness Means Living to Righteousness The Christian life is not just about avoiding sin the dying part but also about pursuing righteousness. This means that the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control, (Galatians 5:22-23) should increasingly characterize your life.