Hebrews 12:14 instructs Christians to pursue holiness because, without it no one will see the Lord. So let s see what this means, and why it s vital for the Christian struggling with porn. 1. Holiness Means Being Set Apart In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for holy is, qadowsh, which means to be set apart. When Jesus instructs him to stop sinning or something worse may happen, Jesus is telling him that, while the outer circumstances of his condition have been healed, the inner condition is still to be addressed. As with the paralytic, the conditions we deal with actually consist of two problems. With a pornography/sexual addiction, the outer problem is our acting out behaviors. In those early days of this heartache coming to light, there were multiple relapses, dishonesty, denial, and an eventual separation. Tangible Solutions In addition to the help of professionals, we needed a tangible solution to a problem with a very specific technological outlet. He needed a smartphone for work, but everything on the smartphone was a trigger or temptation for him. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame. Often, it is easier to notice and think about others what they are doing, not doing, what we don t like about them, etc. Yet, if we find ourselves focused on and complaining about what someone else is doing or not doing; we likely have a need. This is the most important stage recognizing that what we are feeling is likely less about them and who they are and what they are doing and more about a need that we have. Sexual and gender orientation are also not factors that determine sex addiction. In other words, this issue does not discriminate, and neither should we in our attempts to understand and/or treat it. Twelve-step programs emphasize the need to completely abstain from the identified problematic behaviors, but this philosophy is not as straightforward as it sounds when it comes to sexual behavior.