Another common worry is that you ll have to give up too much of your time to attend meetings, to continue therapy or group discussions. Don t pre-judge. Just go to the meetings regularly. Of course, you re understandably afraid that these people whom you don t yet know will reject you. How can they not, you wonder, if they really know all about you? The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth. Rhodes Editor s Note: This article uses terminology commonly used in the addiction and criminology fields. Josh is six months sober. He is finally feeling the confidence to branch out and insert himself in a social situation and test the waters. At dinner with some acquaintances, Josh orders a soda much to the surprise of the others. Each of us told him that in recovery we were committed to loving and appreciating him. We understood that he was not going away, but would remain in us as a guide and observer. It was our job to listen and respond to him appropriately. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. For other people, however, non-compulsive masturbation can actually aid the biological urge for sexual release, provide a venue for self-nurturance and contribute to an overall sense of sexual health. Figuring out which side of the line is right for a particular person can depend on many factors, making this a topic worth discussing with trusted resources of support and guidance. When one participates in these behaviors long enough, it is as though they can no longer hear that voice inside of themselves telling them to stop. Treating Pornography And Sex Addiction Is Like An Iceberg, You Only See The Surface. Treating pornography and sex addiction is like an iceberg, you only see the surface.