It's obvious that for substance abuse sobriety means completely stopping the use of alcohol or drugs, but it's a little more complicated for a sex addict. While it's true that usually some sexual behavior has to cease completely, the ultimate goal for most people is not to go without sex for the rest of their lives. If you were indeed able to figure out the primary feeling, you will be able to validate it later in your day if it comes up. Remember to identify one of these five feelings: anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness or fear. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. The study showed that many men began using pornography at an early stage of their teen years, with nearly six percent starting when they were 14 to 18 years old. During the mid-twenties to mid-thirties time period, more than 22 percent had begun using pornography and this number rose to more than 25 percent for men in the next age group, 35 to 44 years. It also begins the long journey of trust-building. When we lead a couple through full disclosure, the husband (or unfaithful partner), creates a time-line of his entire sexual history, starting from birth. In fiveyear increments, he builds the story of how his sexuality developed. In the early years, many husbands have rather normal experiences of sexual experimenting which contribute to the shaping of sexual identity and development. Additionally, it s important to encourage your husband to explore positive hobbies during the recovery process. Accountability Boundaries Accountability boundaries aim to hold your husband responsible for his actions and help build trust. Accountability is not about policing but about fostering openness and honesty. Unhealthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong and feel like a bad person. Unhealthy shame tells me I am worthless, I am no good. Unhealthy shame attacks my value as a person; healthy shame judges my behaviour, not my person, as right or wrong. I may have done something bad, but that doesn t make me a bad person.