Common personality traits seen in sex addicts are obsessive thoughts, impulsivity, shame, depression, maladaptive coping methods for perceived losses of control, poor communication skills, high risk tolerance for sexual behavior and a hyperactive focus on sex. Any one or combination of these traits is often seen in cases of active sexual addiction. However, since this is produced by the Spirit, it s not just a matter of forcing yourself to be more spiritual. God is actually the one working in the background of your life, slowly and gradually bringing about a change to make you more like Him. 6. Holiness Means Living in Two Worlds You may have noticed a tension in what I ve been saying so far. This individual universe is managed in the same way as the solar system, where whatever we place at the center will direct and orientate everything around it. So we need to ask: What is at the center of our universe? For many it is family, job, or finances. For those struggling with sexual addiction, it can be lust and self. Step 3: Third, we understand that our partner is not obligated to meet our need. There is freedom too, but not a requirement too. Yet, because hopefully we have established a baseline foundation in our relationship that each of our needs matter, our spouse or partner can choose to hear our need, and then check their own resources within themselves to see if they could meet that need. I hate that I have ruined some important holidays for you, but I want to reassure you that I am working a good recovery program and will work on creating new memories that you can trust. Empathy is putting yourself in her place. You cannot possibly know the intensity of her feelings, but when you are able to look at what she is struggling with through her eyes, you are better able to assess what she needs. Are you somehow cured of your cravings or urges for sexual behavior that always gave you that high before? Will there come a day when you ll wake up and be able to function without the incessant guilt, shame and deceit that s plagued you for so long? For many sexual addicts in recovery, these questions, and many more, are common.