It s an objective reality because of Jesus s work on the cross, and it doesn t depend on how we feel or what we do. That s incredible. On the other hand, holiness does involve the things we do. It s hard work, all the dying to self and living to righteousness. Some Christians have used the expression the already and the not yet to describe this tension in the life of the Christian. This research, and other studies, suggests that while many men reach a sexual peak in their 20s, those who began an addiction to pornography early in their teen years may actually experience the opposite; a loss of drive, interest and physical performance ability, along with emotional side effects like feelings of shame associated with sex. Often, because of mistaken understandings within our family of origin about needs and how to navigate needs within relationship, we have developed a way of being along a continuum. We may have learned to be needless and wantless (self-sufficient), or that your needs don t matter, or we may have learned to be somewhat needy (a passive requiring of others to do for me what perhaps I could sometimes take care of myself learned helplessness). My job is to help you use compassion so that you can surrender to what has happened to you and through compassion find an identity that is separate from partner betrayal. When you do this, you decrease reactivity and begin to trust yourself again so that you can appreciate who you are and your own intuition. Third-party mediation: Involve a trusted third party when communication becomes difficult. Financial and technological transparency: Request access to his phone, bank statements, email accounts, and credit card statements. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure by a professional counselor to ensure honesty and openness. I felt completely unprepared for the long battle ahead. He felt like he was spiraling out of control and absolutely could not stop compulsively (and secretly) viewing pornography. He started therapy and support meetings, but the addiction still felt heavy and impossible. He admitted that this problem started as a young teenager with no restrictions to television or the internet.