In this way our adult relationships mirror our relationship with our parents as children; both, when functioning well, provide us with a secure base from which we can enter our worlds with confidence. Breaking Bad If it is true that when we attach to someone healthy and functional, it feels good and provides a sense of security, grounding, safety and wholeness, then the opposite is also true. Here are some other core clinical strategies counselors can use when working with sex addicts: Establish the artful balance between engagement and accountability. Set clear boundaries within the clinical arena. If an addict learns they can manipulate you, they will. Ask clients to use accountability software on their electronic devices. We understood that he was not going away, but would remain in us as a guide and observer. It was our job to listen and respond to him appropriately. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. The usage rates began to decline among study participants in the 45 to 54 age bracket, and then dropped by almost 50 percent, down to 12 percent, for men older than 55. Other studies have shown similar negative effects on sex drive and interest when pornographic material was viewed by men who had started watching it early in life. The timing to resume sexual intimacy varies, but it s generally recommended to have at least 45 days of abstinence, with a true reboot possibly taking 90 days or longer. The decision to resume intimacy should be based on your readiness and trust in your husband s commitment to recovery. If he continues to violate boundaries or threatens your progress, you may need to extend the abstinence period. But it s also a process as the Christian learns to rely on God in the midst of their own weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), and experiencing God s grace as we confess our sins to one another (James 5:16, Galatians 6:2). 3. Holiness Means Restoring God s Image Pornography is unholy because it distorts the image of God in both the viewer and the people being viewed.