If you're the unfaithful partner and you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair, read more about our betrayal trauma recovery program in Florida, California, NY and the USA Don t Assume The Pain After Infidelity Is Your Partner s Job To Resolve Too many people, including therapists, view the pain after infidelity as individual pain. He admits he knew in his heart that things would not end well for him if he continued down that path at work. Today, after years of working on recovery, he no longer has this problem. He finds it easier to be more productive and engaged in his job. He no longer feels the pull of pornography coming from his phone at all times, at home and at work. Develop Your Sexual Recovery Plan In conjunction with your therapist (if you have one and continue to see him or her), or on your own, it s important that you begin to develop your own sexual recovery plan. In this plan, you will define what it means to be sexually responsible, to learn how to express your sexuality in ways that are acceptable to you and to others. Before these individuals can recover the ability to lead healthy sex lives, they need to address the underlying personal and interpersonal issues that have contributed to their addictive behavior, such as poor self-image and unhealthy attachment. If these issues stem from early trauma, confronting this painful past can be grueling and take many months. For an hour, we did gestalt work talking to that poor, ugly stuffed dragon. We spoke to him about how we had dishonored him, understanding how he, as our addict, had only tried to help us become aware of our needs and encourage us to reach out for nurturing, validation, and support. We acknowledged that in our active addiction that we hadn't ever responded to his call in ways that respected him. They will have to come to this awareness independently because the more one tells them how destructive this behavior is, the more defensive and justified they will become. Those who have made it out of this industry will always know it was destructive and unhealthy. Still, for them to admit it, they have to get out of it first and seek sex addiction treatment.