It can subject it and trap it. In other words, it can take over the human will and influence how a person thinks, feels, and acts. This state is known as addiction. It is a state where the physical-chemical brain demands or compels one towards a specific behavior regardless of what the mind or conscience says. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). Despite the negative consequences caused by their addiction, recovering addicts need to find ways to love and value the addiction. They should see the desire to act out as an emotional alarm going off. This alarm is saying that he is in some kind of need and should reach out. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. Read more literature on sexual addiction and recovery. Put my recovery first. Be grateful for each day in recovery. Recognize that I am human. Share my recovery with others. If You Do Slip It may happen that you do slip. It isn t inevitable, but it may occur. What should you do? Certainly not beat yourself up over it and think that you ve lost all your momentum. If you manage a period of sexual abstinence correctly you will learn some important lessons about yourself that will help you for the rest of your life, especially if you combine it with other constructive actions. There are many people who can go 90 days without sex with relative ease. But if you are a person whose sexual behaviors have taken you where you don't want to go time and again then you may find a 90 day period of sexual abstinence to be a serious challenge. Healthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong, like lying, and I feel shame about it. My feeling of shame tells me I have sinned and that I need to deal with it through confession and repentance. Unhealthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong and feel like a bad person. Unhealthy shame tells me I am worthless, I am no good.