Betrayed partners report difficulty getting the whole truth on their own. Even if their betrayer does break down and answer questions, they will not get the entire story because the betrayer is in denial they are in denial that they are in denial! A formal disclosure process led by a certified sex addiction therapist is the best way to get the information necessary so that the betrayed partner can make the most important decision of their life: Will they stay in the relationship or leave? Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. AVR-The Empathy Formula Practicing the A in AVR requires that you acknowledge the situation and accompanying pain. At first it can seem counterintuitive to bring up the damage your addiction has caused her. She wants to know that you remember her pain is a result of your actions. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial. Another common worry is that you ll have to give up too much of your time to attend meetings, to continue therapy or group discussions. Don t pre-judge. Just go to the meetings regularly. Of course, you re understandably afraid that these people whom you don t yet know will reject you. How can they not, you wonder, if they really know all about you? Rituals could include things like fantasizing about having sex with a co-worker, imagining what your neighbour looks like without clothes on, arranging your schedule for some alone time with your computer so you can log in to porn sites uninterrupted. 3. Stopping fantasy Sexual fantasy is at the heart of sexual addiction and alone is enough to trigger sexual stimulation. It can have extreme consequences on one s emotional, psychological and social well-being. When the American Psychiatric Association made the bold decision not to include sex addiction in the DSM-5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition), many felt the choice was controversial.