One day at a time. The only person who can help a hurt partner heal is their unfaithful spouse. No one else. You are the one who has the power to help them regain trust and want to forgive. Your remorse and commitment to actively restore love and trust in your relationship will propel you both forward as a unit. Brain Disease And Sex Addiction Treatment One ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them. One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. In the Land of Mordor where the shadows lie. -J.R.R. Tolkien The Prevalence and Impact of Pornography Addiction Sex addiction treatment is one of the most challenging addictions to treat because it strikes at the core of our humanity. Still, it is in no way a justification or vindication of the betrayer s egregious behavior. It is complicated to understand that there are two truths for people who struggle with sex addiction: they love their partner (in the way they know love) and act out sexually with themselves or others. Betrayed partners come to understand that addiction is a division of the self. In his book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Patrick Carnes, an expert on sex addiction and treatment, defines sexual addiction as any sexually related compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones and one s work environment. This can include developing a sense of unworthiness (which can cause guilt and shame in sexual experiences), extreme risk-taking with the goal of achieving fleeting pleasure and re-creation of the traumatic experience, also called trauma reenactment. For example, someone with a traumatic background may develop extreme anxiety as an adult. You develop an improved sense of confidence that allows you to attune to the reality that the addict s behaviors affect you but are in no way, shape, or form because of you. The addict acted out because he is an addict. He did not act out because you were not good enough or not worthy of his love. You could not cause his acting out.