Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. The Addict is Responsible for His Own Recovery The addict is responsible for working on himself. Others can support his work toward sobriety, but no one can do the work for him. In the New Testament, 1 Peter 2:9 applies this idea of a holy people to us as believers in Jesus. We ve been set apart and belong to God in a special way. Furthermore, we were set apart to proclaim the praises of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. This tells us that watching porn has no part in the Christian s life. After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting. This confirms your worst fears about your worth as a partner and kicks you when you re down. No one would blame you if you were distracted from recovery and trapped in the belief that something is wrong with you. The biggest struggle for my husband through this heartbreaking addiction was the concept of integrity and honesty. I firmly believe that true recovery is not even remotely possible until all the cards are face up on the table. Secrecy fuels this addiction. Our therapist once mentioned the idea that it is better to be 100% honest and have integrity even if it means risking the shame and possibility of losing your comfort zone. When you learn this, you will not only survive, but thrive because of the self-growth that has occurred because of your trauma. Darrin Ford explains in his Isomorphic Path to Intimacy that to gain intimacy as a couple it needs to begin with self-intimacy, and furthermore, partners need to practice distress tolerance and be present with the uncomfortable emotionality that is an inevitable outcome of a partner s natural state manifesting from the betrayal. This abstinence has several benefits, including preventing sex from being used as a weapon, allowing time to observe his commitment to rebuilding intimacy, and helping him detox from porn s impact. Encourage your husband to pursue intimacy in non-sexual ways during this period. Focus on rebuilding emotional connection and romantic gestures, such as buying flowers or helping with chores.