As you read this blog, ask yourself if just for the morning, afternoon or evening, you might consider staying in the moment and creating a mindset that is reassuring and reminds you that you can choose to focus on the events of the day that create certainty: the blue sky, your baby s breath, the rhythm of your walk, your beautiful home what ever is safe and true for the moment. Christians should not expect instant perfection but rather steady progress. When a believer stumbles, they should confess, receive God s grace, and continue in the fight rather than fall into despair (1 John 1:9). 5. Holiness Means Living to Righteousness The Christian life is not just about avoiding sin the dying part but also about pursuing righteousness. Getting to the HEART of the Issue It is no coincidence that the initial phase of our mentoring program and the first 3 steps of a 12-step program are surrender. When I first began a journey toward recovery I intellectually understood the concept and need for surrender but found it difficult to get to the heart of true surrender. Addictive behaviors show up, sometimes early in life, according to Hatch, as a coping strategy in the form of self-medication to emotional pain. Sex addiction, in particular, creates a sense of excitement and pleasure, while simultaneously ensuring emotional distance and avoidance of true connection the kind of intimacy that can leave one open to being hurt. Men seem to have an empathy deficit and so I found that breaking it down was much more helpful in teaching this all important skill. I have developed a formula that helps them to remember to do a read on the partners feelings and see things from her perspective. The formula is easy to follow because it only has 3 steps to follow. As a relationship expert, I had two immediate questions: Who gave him the idea that he needed to surrender to anything? Why did he think was doing it wrong? I soon learned that the very person he and his betraying partner turned to for guidance, their couples therapist, had implicated him as the problem partner!