If you are in a relationship with someone you have sexually betrayed, an agreed-upon time without sex can allow for some relationship healing to begin by giving you an opportunity to focus on developing nonsexual emotional safety and connection. (I wrote a lengthy article about what it takes to heal from chronic sexual deception, because there's a lot to address. Process addictions increase dopamine. Dopamine is a naturally occurring and powerful pleasure-seeking chemical in the brain. When activities are used habitually to escape pain, more dopamine is released in the brain. The brain rapidly adjusts to a higher level of dopamine. The user quickly finds themselves on a hamster wheel, seeking more exciting, more dangerous, more erotic or more taboo material to maintain the dopamine rush. The Spouse s Road to Recovery Upon discovering the addiction, the spouses of sex addicts find themselves mentally and emotionally shattered. Some counselors would say that spouses are codependent at this point, a term that is defined as: A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin). As a sex addict learns that others have gone down the same road and have begun to heal, despair ebbs away and hope returns. 5. Healing shame There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame. Healthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong, like lying, and I feel shame about it. My feeling of shame tells me I have sinned and that I need to deal with it through confession and repentance. Your healing process is directly connected to your partner s ability to help you heal not anyone else s timing. Remember: Your betraying partner should be there for you. Surrendering to them or a process is not a thing. This is not war. Your betraying partner should make sure you are supported into trusting them. Examining the addict s personal motivation for change, patterns of acting out, trauma history and other addictive manifestations are other crucial areas of exploration. And for those in relationships, it may be necessary to refer the significant other for services to address their trauma. Here are some other core clinical strategies counselors can use when working with sex addicts: Establish the artful balance between engagement and accountability.